I really got into this script right away. I’m fascinated by end of the
world stories, because I know society as we know it can change awfully
quick and what could replace it might not be all that pleasant. I love
The Walking Dead and World War Z and this reminded me of those a little
bit. Just without the zombies.
You opened with a very strong visual. 25 nukes going off will get your attention. Then the 5 months later slug line is pretty cool too. Good drama, sucks you in. In other movies, the nukes going off might be the end of the movie. Here it is just the start.
You opened with a very strong visual. 25 nukes going off will get your attention. Then the 5 months later slug line is pretty cool too. Good drama, sucks you in. In other movies, the nukes going off might be the end of the movie. Here it is just the start.
You do a great job of getting us to like November right away as she comes to Dove’s rescue. A great “Save the Cat” moment of creating a hero that we like.
From there I liked how you showed us what this new world was like and how details of how the attack happened.
I have to admit, I liked the script when the scope of the characters was smaller. Like in the book and movie “The Road.” A huge event has occurred, but because we stay mainly with the father and son it is easier to follow and stay involved with “The Road.” Once all these different characters came into the picture in your script, it was a little tough keeping up with them all.
I’m sure in a movie it would be fine, as we have the actors to keep up with. On the page of the script it is a little tougher.
It is quite a twist to think that the hero we’ve been following could be involved with the bombing of America, so that was a good twist.
I do have to say I thought the ending was anticlimactic. As I read the script, I was really anticipating the ending. Would another bomb go off? Would the US be restored?
But it ended as if this was just the first part of a series of movies, which may be your goal. I guess I wanted more bang for the buck.
I saw in your bio that you have written some novels, and I would suggest you turn this into a novel, if you haven’t already. Look at he success of Hunger Games. Always a market for strong female characters that can kick ass. Also you can go more internal with your characters and share their thoughts, which you can’t really do with a script.
Post nuclear scripts have been done, but I like your Iowa take on it. How does this small city and its inhabitants
If I were you I would write this story as a novel and try to get some traction there and then sell the movie rights.
If you want to push it strictly as a screenplay, I would suggestinvesting
in some screenplay formatting books and make sure your script looks
like a Hollywood standard script. Otherwise people might think it is the
work of an amateur and not give it a fair shot.
I’m sure a lot of reviews are going to give you a hard time about the format, but the truth is, if it is a good story, format won’t matter. Formatting can be fixed a lot easier than a bad script can be.
If you do reformat, break up your action paragraphs. I try to only have 2 or 3 lines of action in a paragraph, then I start another 2 or 3 line paragraph, if I need it. And if I can have one line, even better. Why? Because people are lazy and tend to skim long blocks of description in scripts.
Of course they will read and buy novels and, which by their nature are very wordy, but scripts are different. The quicker people read, the faster they will get into your story.
Also you don’t need to break the script up into parts, as if it was a mini series. If it is a feature film, you just go from start to finish. No act breaks.
You could always try to sell it as a TV series, but that is easier said than done. Plus it seems a lot like that new NBC series REVOLUTION. Not the idea, but just the tone of it a little bit. Maybe that could be a good thing if Revolution is a hit. Maybe people will rush out to clone it.
So for me, I like the first half better than the last half. I think you should think about making it a novel, if you haven’t already done so. Give the script proper formatting and be aware the ending is kind of a let down. But it does show you have a lot of talent as a writer.
Enjoyed reading it. Good luck.
If you want to push it strictly as a screenplay, I would suggest
I’m sure a lot of reviews are going to give you a hard time about the format, but the truth is, if it is a good story, format won’t matter. Formatting can be fixed a lot easier than a bad script can be.
If you do reformat, break up your action paragraphs. I try to only have 2 or 3 lines of action in a paragraph, then I start another 2 or 3 line paragraph, if I need it. And if I can have one line, even better. Why? Because people are lazy and tend to skim long blocks of description in scripts.
Of course they will read and buy novels and, which by their nature are very wordy, but scripts are different. The quicker people read, the faster they will get into your story.
Also you don’t need to break the script up into parts, as if it was a mini series. If it is a feature film, you just go from start to finish. No act breaks.
You could always try to sell it as a TV series, but that is easier said than done. Plus it seems a lot like that new NBC series REVOLUTION. Not the idea, but just the tone of it a little bit. Maybe that could be a good thing if Revolution is a hit. Maybe people will rush out to clone it.
So for me, I like the first half better than the last half. I think you should think about making it a novel, if you haven’t already done so. Give the script proper formatting and be aware the ending is kind of a let down. But it does show you have a lot of talent as a writer.
Enjoyed reading it. Good luck.
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