I entered the pilot script for In The Shadows of November in a script festival. It wasn't accepted and they sent me back a rather detailed description of what they liked and didn't like about the script. The interesting thing was their description of the pilot.
In the Shadows of November (PILOT)
By Bill Albert
By Bill Albert
In the Shadows of November - From Out of the Clouds is a sci-fi pilot set in a near future in which society struggles to survive in the aftermath of a series of nuclear attacks. Set in Louisiana, the story focuses on Austin, Lisa, Ross and Sean, a group of friends who rely on each other to survive, trading now useless electronic items for food. Unable to communicate with the world beyond their town, the group try and piece together what cities have survived and if they can ever leave. Two strangers arrive at the group’s home, bringing news of the world beyond but also untold danger to their door.
The thing that struck me is they were looking at it all wrong. The story isn't about the four people in Louisiana, they only appear in the pilot episode, after that it follows the character of November as she travels across the United States. It's about how she effects people as she goes and, steadily, we learn what a mystery she really is. I felt that since it was called In the Shadows of November and the character is November it was clearer that the story was about her.
They invited me to tell them what I felt about their comments and I very nicely responded. I explained to them where the story was headed and that I would work on a rewrite making it clearer. I'm completely true about that, I will rewrite it and stress the series that would follow is about this main character.
Hopefully better luck next time.