It hasn't been as good of a week as I had hoped. They were supposed to review and work on the script in the podcast on Thursday. On Wednesday night I got an email telling me that, due to budget restrictions, the entire series of podcasts had been cancelled. That was it. A really good opportunity just wasn't going to happen.
The script has, however, gotten three reviews from other authors on the Trigger Street Labs site. There are a few things they brought up that I have to admit need work. One of thems were the times I told things instead of showing them and I can't deny that is something that needs to be fixed and strengthened. What happened is I was writing the script in the "What can I produce?" frame of mind and not the big budget feature film mind set. That really is neither good or bad for the script. It doesn't hurt it but it would help to keep that in mind during a rewrite.
One thing that puzzles me is the complaints about the "to be" verbs. In fiction I'm told to focus on them but two of the reviews have said they are distracting in a screenplay. I'm not sure I understand this. They specifically say that "November is walking along the river" is the wrong way to say it. It should be "November walks along the river." I have to think that one through because I'm not sure I understand the problem there.
There are times they felt that I was really talking to the viewer instead of the characters talking to each other. I have to admit I'm guilty. That is partially be design. It's the Heinlein traits I like so much and have to admit there were times I wanted to say something. Of course, this complaint came from two of the three reviewers and I should really wait until I get more feedback before approaching it.
One of the reviews really didn't like that I told detailed character motivations and reactions in the description. "November is confused by this and not sure how to react." should be replaced by "November is unsure and shrugs." or just what she physically does. This is something I don't really agree with. I remember reading a book by David Gerrold about writing The Trouble with triblles episode of Star Trek. He talked about how his original script would have directions like "Kirk reacts." and was told during the production it should give more info and how Kirk reacted. Was he sad? Was he angry? Did he take it seriously? Need to think about this one a while, too.
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